


all the thoughts of what we've been

by petiteroses



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Based on a Tumblr Post, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 15:59:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5791753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petiteroses/pseuds/petiteroses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything is black and white until you meet your soulmate. Armin Arlert meets Eren Yeager when he's six.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all the thoughts of what we've been

**Author's Note:**

> based on the color soulmate post. unbeta'd. ymir's not a shifter in this and the title is from trojans by atlas genius. *jazz hands emoji* enjoy

Armin Arlert is six years old. He’s stubby, with chubby legs and cheeks puffy as a rabbit’s. It’s the first day of school and after meeting his teacher and saying goodbye to his grandpa, he’s sitting down at his seat. His stomach is full of butterflies- he’s so nervous to be around all of these new kids and it’s very loud. 

Armin looks up at the boy across from him and suddenly the world is so bright he falls off of his very tiny chair. Grabbing the table, he picks himself up and almost falls again from how disoriented he is.

(He stares at his hands. He’s a warm color, with cool ice streaking underneath his skin and he’s never wanted to puke so bad in his life.)

Finally, he looks up at Eren. The boy is staring at him, tears building up in his eyes and he starts to wail. Armin starts, his head already pulsing with the brightness and Eren’s screeching isn’t helping. The teacher rushes over, and Eren begins to hiccup out that the world got really bright and his head hurts. The teacher’s face softens, and she pushes his hair back and says his soulmate is somewhere in this classroom and it’s okay.

Armin runs. He toddles as fast as his little legs can take him and he hears the teacher yell at him to “come back here right now, young man” but she’s holding Eren and can’t leave the classroom and so he leaves. His house is two buildings away from here and he swings the door open.

His grandpa seems startled that Armin is back. Crouching down, the old man winces as his knees crack and puts his spotted hands on Armin’s shoulders. The small blond is shaking and squinting.

He says he can see color now.

A smile breaks out across Grandfather’s face, and with a chuckle in his voice he tells the boy that he better get back to school. He’s going to get in trouble for leaving, and he doesn’t want that, now does he? Armin shakes his head, lip trembling. He’s never gotten in trouble at school. He asks Grandfather to go back with him, and clasping his hand, they walk back to the school. 

The two enter the classroom for the second time that day, and the teacher looks up and sets Eren down. She bustles over, looking ready to give Armin the worst scolding of his very short life. Grandfather stops her, telling her that Armin just found his soulmate and he gets nervous very easily. Looking back at Eren and then down at Armin, she takes the blond’s hand and nods at his grandfather. Patting him on the head once more, Grandfather leaves again and Armin feels so alone and his head still hurts.

(His six year old mind thinks soulmates might be too much work.)

Leading him over to Eren, she crouches between the two and tells them what soulmates are and that she has a special book for them. After grabbing it, she gives it to them and makes sure one of them can read-Armin has been able to since he was four- and leaves them to go deal with the chaos that had ensued during their troubles.

Eren looks up at Armin and asks if it’s bright for him too. His voice is weak, squeaky and sad but when Armin smiles and says yes, the crease in his brow smooths a little bit.

Eren grabs his hand and smiles back. He looks down at the book. Armin says the word is “Color” and it’s splashed across the color in a shiny material. 

The first page is angry, with the shade of Eren’s eyes after crying so much in one box and the shade of Armin’s cheeks when he’s embarrassed in another. It’s called red.

There’s a page called yellow- Eren looks up and says it matches Armin and declares it his favorite. Armin turns red.

There’s a page called blue, and one shade matches Eren’s eyes so perfectly Armin wonders how it could be real. It’s called turquoise and Armin loves it.

(Turquoise is also the color of the ocean, they find out. Yellow is the color of the sun. Armin found a book only on the ocean and they spend days reading it. When Mikasa is adopted into the Yeager family, the first thing Armin does is show her the book. They decide to go there someday.)

Armin decides he loves Eren when he’s eight. Eren decided that when they first met. The bullies down the street decide that Armin is crazy, a heretic, and think he needs some lessons. Eren tries to protect him- usually, the bullies, bulky and mean take him down too, but when Mikasa appears behind him they run.

(They’re not always there. The bruises are purple and blue and green.)

Armin is sitting by the river next to Eren and Mikasa four years after color came into his life. Earlier that day, Armin had been cornered by bullies again, and Eren and Mikasa had saved him again. He’s ranting over how people are stupid, arms waving in the air, discussing how there’s no way they can be safe behind these walls forever.

Shiganshina falls.

Armin thinks it’s his fault that Eren loses his mom. Maybe if he hadn’t been so angry and talking about being unsafe Eren wouldn’t have had to watch his mom die. The blond sees Eren on the boat later, when the Armored Titan breaks through and there are tears streaming down his face. Eren vows to kill them all.

(Armin will be by his side every step of the way. He never shakes the guilt off of his shoulders.)

Grandfather dies in an attempt to recapture Maria. Armin knows he’s not coming back, and he sits against a wall pinching the sunhat in between his small fingers. Tears blur his vision, the colors running together until they’re an awful painting. Eren and Mikasa come and sit with him. They’re ten and all they have left is each other. 

The landfill they’re sent to is dirty and Armin thinks he might not survive for a very long time. The other two refuse to let him give up, and they make it through five years and suddenly, they join the military.

Armin can’t stop thinking about how he might lose Eren. The boy who lit up his life begins to light up others with his anger and passion. He gets in fights a lot with Jean, and Armin watches on with a sickness in his stomach. If this is what it’s like in training, how will Eren survive in the real military?

(Armin thinks he might not.)

They train as the 104th class. Mikasa excels- she is ranked number one, with Eren in fifth. Armin doesn’t even brush the top ten, as he is too physically weak. He’s kept in the military simply because of his brilliance. 

Three years passes by in what feels like seconds. After graduation but before picking where they will fight, the trainees are stationed in Trost.

Trost almost falls.

It has a hole in the wall, created by the Colossal Titan and Eren turns the brightest shade of red he’s ever seen when the titan disappears. The Scouting Legion is away, and the only people there to fight are the Stationary Guard and the trainees. 

His whole squad is eaten by titans. 

(He never forgives himself for that, either.)

He’s almost eaten himself, but Eren saves him. He pulls him out of the titan’s mouth, and Armin is so thankful but then Eren is taken into the titan’s mouth. Armin can’t reach him, they’re painfully close and the titan’s jaw snaps shut.

Eren’s arm goes flying and Armin maneuvers away until he finds Mikasa. His world is flickering, back to black and white and grey between snapshots of the blue sky and brown buildings. Armin tries to stay hopeful but the second he sees Mikasa’s scarf turn red and then into grey, he breaks. He collapses on the roof, blaming himself until Mikasa tells him to get his shit together. They have to fight.

(Armin doesn’t see the point. Eren is gone.)

A roar rips through the air. The world goes so bright again Armin almost slams into a wall, letting himself swell with hope. There can be nothing worse than the heartbreak he is already feeling. 

Eren’s the titan who roared. First, Armin almost vomits because Eren is a titan. Second, he grasps Eren’s hand and breathes. Eren is back. He is alive, with the missing arm restored, and if Armin thought his life was already crazy it’s becoming ten times that.

The Stationary Guard tries to kill Eren. Armin does a perfect salute, improvising a speech that saves their lives and how is he still alive? 

Eren is taken to the Survey Corps after the trial. Armin has never felt so lonely, even with Mikasa at his side every step of the way. He’s thankful for her- she keeps him above water, helping him breathe.

All of their friends join the Survey Corps. Armin’s not surprised.

(Eren has always had a knack for making people look from his point of view. He made everyone reevaluate, even Jean. Armin can’t tell if he’s happy or sad they’re joining.) 

At headquarters, Armin is walking next to everyone when he’s slammed into by someone. Just by the smell, the blond knows it’s Eren and he sags into him, not noticing Levi behind Eren, looking bemused, or the other recruits laughing. Reaching out for Mikasa, she’s folded into their hug and it feels like home.

Armin stays with Eren as much as possible. There’s not much time to, because Eren needs to train and Armin is always coming up with strategies with Erwin, but when they can, the two are glued together. Everyone makes fun of them. They don’t care.

There’s an expedition. The Special Ops Squad dies and Armin has never seen Eren so broken except for when his mom died. He doesn’t seem to ever recover from the guilt, changed a little bit forever. Levi lost his colors because of him, Eren says, when Petra died, and all Armin can do is hug him and say that it’s alright, they told you not to, it’s okay. It’s okay. 

(It’s not.)

Annie’s a traitor, and Armin thinks his heart stops when he hears the news. They had always been close- not best friends, but there was always a mutual respect and long discussions late at night. She crystallizes. Sometimes, Armin sits down in the cavern watching her. Eren joins him sometimes, even though the rage in his blood never simmers down.

Everybody moves on slowly with distrust living in their bones. It’s strange, eerie, almost, knowing that there was another shifter. Everyone wonders if there’s more.

There are. Bertholdt and Reiner. Eren is unbearable, almost, with the hatred he spews at them. He hollers for hours, letting out every piece of rage, mentioning his mom and all of the trainees that died because of them multiple times. Eventually, Eren falls over and bawls and Armin has to basically pick him up and leave the dungeon. 

Bertholdt and Reiner are sentenced to execution. They go without a fight. The guilt that fills their stomachs is unbearable, they say, and when the blade hits their necks, Eren’s anger almost dissipates.

(Almost. Sometimes, in the middle of the night in the cold dungeon, Armin feels Eren mutter into his neck angry words. Armin always smiles.)

Four more years pass. They’re nineteen, painfully close to winning the war. In the final battle, they’re in Maria and Armin can see Shiganshina through the wall. In the final battle, Eren finally figures out how to use his power.

Words spin through the air, Eren’s roar echoing for miles. The ape titan is attacked by thousands of other titans and then they attack each other. Everyone breathes a sigh of happiness when they see there’s no interest in human anymore.

(They’ve won and Armin’s bones seem to weep in relief.)

The second they can, after cleanup and another trial to see what they’re going to do with Eren-they keep him alive, he’s helped too much to be executed and there’s no point in killing him. Armin swears his hair goes grey by the end of the trial- Eren, Armin, and Mikasa set out with their cloaks draped over their shoulders and bags by their sides to find the ocean.

It’s about a day’s walk, and every time they pass a titan, they tense. Every time, the titan dawdles along and ignores him. It’s nice, to feel safe. They haven’t felt safe in eleven years.

While resting in a small field, Mikasa asks if they hear it- a rushing of something. Armin grins and leaves his bag in the field before running off towards the sound. He hears the other two sprinting behind him, and eventually grass turns into sand and sand into water and he ruins his pants with water but he doesn’t care.

The ocean is almost as turquoise as Eren’s eyes and he turns around in the water and grabs his shirt, pulling the taller boy closer into a hug and grasping Mikasa by her arm. They look at their feet in the water, skin covered by little waves and Armin has never felt safer between his soulmate and his best friend, the blue sky and blue water and the blue of Eren’s eyes holding him down.

(Armin Arlert is nineteen years old and his color is bright like his love for Eren.)

**Author's Note:**

> i first wrote this fic around two years ago. i re-read it the other day and thought wow i should fix it.. i don't write much so my style hasn't really changed, but i like it a lot better now especially since my shiganshina kids get to be happy. 
> 
> my tumblr is enbygoth if you want to talk. i'm not much of a snk blog anymore but you know. once anime trash, always anime trash.


End file.
